My scoutmaster put together this website as part of his Wood Badge ticket (Wood Badge is advanced scout leader training for adults). I've been to a few of the places he has listed, and hope to go to more over the years. Even if you're not into backpacking, these are some really great trails for day hiking. Plus, we want to inflate the site visits and push the site up in the search rankings so it can be of more help to scouters in the area.
Cleveland Area Scout Backpacking
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Best Way to Start the Day
I opened my e-mail at work this morning and found this:
Nothing like starting your day to a dose of praise!
hi there
i really appreciate you posting the code for making/reporting Bland-Altman plots here:
https://stat.ethz.ch/pipermail/r-help/2008-July/166921.html
i think this is the best procedure that i found for this task in R
Nothing like starting your day to a dose of praise!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Concerning Religious Instruction on Marriage
It happens from time to time at my church that the leadership feels the need to teach a lesson on some topic of common importance. Past lessons have included topics such as managing finances, preparing for emergency situations, and raising children. Sunday's topic happened to be on marriage. For instruction, we were shown a video of a talk given to students at Brigham Young University given by Richard G. Scott. You can read the transcript or view the video.
I'm not necessarily opposed to instruction about marriage. In fact, I got a lot of indirect instruction on marriage as I studied interpersonal communication in college. Personally, I think a lot of people - myself included - would benefit a great deal from quality instruction about marriage. Unfortunately, what we got was of the "This is what works in my marriage, and so you should do it too." (I won't go into much on the Q&A with the 'recently married couple'--because, as we all know, recently married couples have the clearest view on how to manage a successful marriage.
One of the first things that strikes me as wrong about the message given is in how to deal with disagreements. During the Q&A, Elder Scott asks how they reconcile disagreements.
I understand that this is a religious setting and all, and that prayer is going to be a common theme. Yet, somehow this feels like a claim that praying about disagreements will make them go away. In my experience and in my education, I've not seen that to be all that common. More often, I've witnessed that it take a lot of discussion, compromise, and shuffling of priorities to come to an agreement. I've yet to see prayer do anything more than reaffirm a decision after the hard work was already done. I feel that we skip to the affirmation part much too quickly, and never talk about the hard work part. Do we really expect people to learn how to enact those skill without talking about it?
This same point was repeated by Ben's wife, Rebecca, when she said, "I think how you resolve [disagreements] is the important thing--we always agree that we can go to the Lord." Am I crazy for expecting that I can work out my own disagreements with my wife without divine intervention?
One of the other items to jump out at me was Elder Scott's emphasis on doing the little things. He brought up writing notes to each other, and sure, I can see that. It'd probably get on my nerves to find notes in my books and bags all the time, but I'm sure my wife would appreciate it, so it's a suggestion I can take. But when he says, "As a husband, be aware of what you might unconsciously communicate by how you treat your wife in public. As I shake hands with members at the end of a meeting, occasionally I note that a man is in line in front of his wife. That is inappropriate—as a matter of fact, it’s just plain stupid. It is demeaning to her." Well, I don't know how to respond to that one. I don't think I've ever thought for a second about how I might demean my wife by standing in front of her in a line. I'm sure she's never thought of it. To me, it kind of seems like whoever gets there first stands in front and then--this part is really crazy--turns around so he or she can talk to the other. The question that comes naturally to me is if I should act toward my wife based on how Elder Scott perceives my actions, or on how my wife perceives my actions.
The last point I'll bring up isn't one that stuck out to me, but it definitely bothered my wife. It was a gem of a quote in which Elder Scott stated, "There has never been an argument in our home, never an unkind word between us. Now I realize that blessing came because of her. It resulted from her willingness to give, to share, and to never think of herself" (emphasis mine). Understandably, that left my wife feeling like every disagreement we'd ever had was her fault, or at least that she was being accused of this. I feel strongly that this one needed a disclaimer of some sort. I worry for the couples who listen to this talk while contemplating ending their marriages. I can't help but wonder how many women hear that and think to themselves that their turbulent and troubled marriages are a result of their own selfishness.
The thing that really strikes me is that, according to this talk, men express their selfishness by standing in front of women in line, and not opening doors for their wives. Women express their selfishness by creating arguments.
My only comfort this week on this issue has been that the poor teaching about marriage is not unique to my religion. I had a conversation with a coworker in which I brought up Elder Scott's talk and how it seemed to exhibit the attitude of "it worked for me so you should do it, too." My colleague immediately caught on and described the marriage class he had to attend with his catholic wife before getting married. In addition, they had to attend an additional seminar in which two mixed religion (Catholic and Protestant) couples discussed how they made their marriages work. In all the instruction, I'm told, the emphasis was on the fact that what had worked for the people giving the instruction was the only way they'd stay married.
Well, I'm not going to buy into it. I'm a convert to John Gottman's research. You should look up his work. Particularly the research about how successful marriages maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative comments. Try reading about how partners with similar communication styles are far more successful than partners with differing communication styles. Also, read up on how the biggest predictor of marital failure is evidence of contempt in a couple's discussions. I promise, you'll be enlightened. More importantly, you'll see that there is more than one way for a marriage to succeed, and it doesn't have to follow the cliche patterns you learn about in church. It's your marriage. Do what works for you.
Bonus irritation: "Marriage is so wonderful.... You get to know each other very well. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions."
It's amusing to me that one of the first things he lists as a positive characteristic of marriage is one of the things that I dislike the most about marriage.
I'm not necessarily opposed to instruction about marriage. In fact, I got a lot of indirect instruction on marriage as I studied interpersonal communication in college. Personally, I think a lot of people - myself included - would benefit a great deal from quality instruction about marriage. Unfortunately, what we got was of the "This is what works in my marriage, and so you should do it too." (I won't go into much on the Q&A with the 'recently married couple'--because, as we all know, recently married couples have the clearest view on how to manage a successful marriage.
One of the first things that strikes me as wrong about the message given is in how to deal with disagreements. During the Q&A, Elder Scott asks how they reconcile disagreements.
Elder Scott: Do you make the vital decisions together? How do you do that?
Ben: We do. We have had a lot of opportunities since we’ve been sealed to talk and discuss things that are coming up in both of our futures. Sometimes we may not totally agree, and that is something that is great for us because then we know that we can rely on Heavenly Father. That is something that we both always agree on.
Elder Scott: So, if there is a difference of opinion, you then work it out together through prayer with Heavenly Father.
I understand that this is a religious setting and all, and that prayer is going to be a common theme. Yet, somehow this feels like a claim that praying about disagreements will make them go away. In my experience and in my education, I've not seen that to be all that common. More often, I've witnessed that it take a lot of discussion, compromise, and shuffling of priorities to come to an agreement. I've yet to see prayer do anything more than reaffirm a decision after the hard work was already done. I feel that we skip to the affirmation part much too quickly, and never talk about the hard work part. Do we really expect people to learn how to enact those skill without talking about it?
This same point was repeated by Ben's wife, Rebecca, when she said, "I think how you resolve [disagreements] is the important thing--we always agree that we can go to the Lord." Am I crazy for expecting that I can work out my own disagreements with my wife without divine intervention?
One of the other items to jump out at me was Elder Scott's emphasis on doing the little things. He brought up writing notes to each other, and sure, I can see that. It'd probably get on my nerves to find notes in my books and bags all the time, but I'm sure my wife would appreciate it, so it's a suggestion I can take. But when he says, "As a husband, be aware of what you might unconsciously communicate by how you treat your wife in public. As I shake hands with members at the end of a meeting, occasionally I note that a man is in line in front of his wife. That is inappropriate—as a matter of fact, it’s just plain stupid. It is demeaning to her." Well, I don't know how to respond to that one. I don't think I've ever thought for a second about how I might demean my wife by standing in front of her in a line. I'm sure she's never thought of it. To me, it kind of seems like whoever gets there first stands in front and then--this part is really crazy--turns around so he or she can talk to the other. The question that comes naturally to me is if I should act toward my wife based on how Elder Scott perceives my actions, or on how my wife perceives my actions.
The last point I'll bring up isn't one that stuck out to me, but it definitely bothered my wife. It was a gem of a quote in which Elder Scott stated, "There has never been an argument in our home, never an unkind word between us. Now I realize that blessing came because of her. It resulted from her willingness to give, to share, and to never think of herself" (emphasis mine). Understandably, that left my wife feeling like every disagreement we'd ever had was her fault, or at least that she was being accused of this. I feel strongly that this one needed a disclaimer of some sort. I worry for the couples who listen to this talk while contemplating ending their marriages. I can't help but wonder how many women hear that and think to themselves that their turbulent and troubled marriages are a result of their own selfishness.
The thing that really strikes me is that, according to this talk, men express their selfishness by standing in front of women in line, and not opening doors for their wives. Women express their selfishness by creating arguments.
My only comfort this week on this issue has been that the poor teaching about marriage is not unique to my religion. I had a conversation with a coworker in which I brought up Elder Scott's talk and how it seemed to exhibit the attitude of "it worked for me so you should do it, too." My colleague immediately caught on and described the marriage class he had to attend with his catholic wife before getting married. In addition, they had to attend an additional seminar in which two mixed religion (Catholic and Protestant) couples discussed how they made their marriages work. In all the instruction, I'm told, the emphasis was on the fact that what had worked for the people giving the instruction was the only way they'd stay married.
Well, I'm not going to buy into it. I'm a convert to John Gottman's research. You should look up his work. Particularly the research about how successful marriages maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative comments. Try reading about how partners with similar communication styles are far more successful than partners with differing communication styles. Also, read up on how the biggest predictor of marital failure is evidence of contempt in a couple's discussions. I promise, you'll be enlightened. More importantly, you'll see that there is more than one way for a marriage to succeed, and it doesn't have to follow the cliche patterns you learn about in church. It's your marriage. Do what works for you.
Bonus irritation: "Marriage is so wonderful.... You get to know each other very well. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions."
It's amusing to me that one of the first things he lists as a positive characteristic of marriage is one of the things that I dislike the most about marriage.
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